


I Shouldn't Want You

by loserhoshi (kiew)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5431130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiew/pseuds/loserhoshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having feelings for one of your friends is bad enough, but two? That's just hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Shouldn't Want You

**Author's Note:**

> jihoon's pov

He shouldn’t like him, is the thing.

He really, really shouldn’t.

But that ridiculous smile, those dark eyes so full of _light_ , and, god, that horrible laugh—

He couldn’t help it.

No matter how much he tries to stamp out that fluttery feeling in his chest it always manages to flare up and envelope him in warmth every time he turns to find that smile directed at him.

He's struggling enough as it is trying to get similar feelings for Soonyoung under control, so it just figures he'd manage to find a way to be even more miserable. And what does that make him? Having these thoughts about _two_ of his friends? A fucking creep is what. The fear of them finding out is almost suffocating sometimes, clawing up his throat and tight around his chest like his lungs might actually seize up if he doesn't find a way to fix this soon.

But he can’t let it go too far. Not again. He’d once tried hiding his feelings for Soonyoung by avoiding him, afraid his friend would know just by looking at him how fucked up he is. He’d over analyzed all of their interactions trying to make sure he came across completely platonic, even going as far as being a little hard on him in the recording studio to make sure there wasn't any suspicious favoritism.

God was that a mistake.

Even just the thought of how Soonyoung’s normally cheery face contorted in confused anguish at Jihoon’s cold behavior sent a hot rush of guilt through him. He can’t do that to Seokmin too.

When he’d heard Seokmin on the radio, admitting he felt most awkward around Jihoon, he almost felt relief through the cold ache in his chest. That was that. Of all the members, Seokmin had singled him out. If that didn’t spell it out for Jihoon that there was no reciprocation of his affections, then what would?

So, he could move on.

But of course it couldn’t be that easy. Seokmin felt bad and tried to make it up to him, and of course Jihoon had to go and be snarky about it. And of fucking course they had to create a banter out of it that gave them more excuses to interact and only brought them closer somehow with this joking love-hate dynamic. And it hurts, how much he melts bit by bit every time they share a smile after playing up the fake tension between them. The rush he feels at them being able to mess with each other with the reassuring knowledge that it's just for fun, that they're close enough to be able to push each other like this without worry, is indescribable. And he can’t bear it.

That's the worst part, how much the two of them light up around him, how much they actually enjoy being around him, how happy they always make him in return. But when they leave his presence the jittery giddiness filling him always sours into anxiety. He mentally slaps himself at how comfortable he gets settling into their routine antics. He can’t afford to get too comfortable with the two of them.

He clearly has a type. Hopelessly happy people who are pathetically off-limits.

And Jihoon should really pay more attention to his surroundings when he's lost in thought like this. Maybe then he would have noticed the familiar giggles coming from behind the door he was about to open. Maybe then he would have turned around to avoid the very people he was agonizing over. Maybe then he wouldn’t have opened the door of one of the bedrooms to see Soonyoung and Seokmin right as their lips met.

He should probably be glad, later when he has the ability to be glad about anything, that they notice him immediately and break apart. If they had kept going like that he might not have been able to spare himself the heartache and backed away what with how frozen from shock he is. It's like his entire body has short-circuited and all he feels is ice in his veins.

“Jihoon!”

He registers Soonyoung’s surprised expression from where the two are still rooted to their spots on the bed. The sound of his own name manages to finally kick him into a stuttered apology as he spins on his heel and slams the door behind him. He moves on autopilot and quickly walks as far away as he can manage.

Which turns out to not be very far when his vision blurs and knees start to buckle.

He shoves himself into the closest room he finds and stumbles into the corner, one hand dragging along the wall and the other plastered over his mouth as he slides down to the floor.

And as he hunches in on himself, knees pulled up to his face and arm wrapped tightly around his torso, all he can think is _of course_. Even with his teeth clenched from trying to hold himself together and face wet with tears he knows they're fucking perfect for each other. There's no place for him in that equation. No room.

“Jihoon!”

Oh god, they're _looking_ for him. Why are they _looking for him?_ Do they think he’ll tell someone about them being together or something? Do they not trust him?

“Jihoon, please!”

Fuck, they're close. If they see him like this they’ll _know_. He looks around wide-eyed for somewhere to hide but—

“There you—oh god.” Seokmin’s face drops at the sight of him and Soonyoung’s is quick to follow. Jihoon can’t believe what's happening. His hands fly to his face even though the damage is already done. He senses them as they move closer and when he feels hands prying his own away from hiding his tear tracks and red eyes he resigns himself to the situation. He wants to take that thought back when he sees how upset they look, knowing the creases between their brows are his fault.

“Why are you crying?” Soonyoung asks tentatively, wiping the dampness away with his thumb. Jihoon hates the way his skin tingles along the path the other leaves.

He can’t help the huff of a wet laugh he lets out. “Isn’t it obvious?” And maybe it isn’t, maybe there's still time to save their friendship. But he has the terrible feeling that isn’t the case.

So before he can think about it he blurts, “I’m in love with you.”

Which almost surprises him as much as them, never having let himself put words to his feelings. But he knows it's true.

“I’m sorry,” he says just as quickly, choking on the last word. Fuck, he can't stand crying in front of people and everything about this situation just makes it all the worse.

“Me?” Soonyoung still seems to be processing what Jihoon said before.

All or nothing, he supposes. Jihoon swallows. “Both—Both of you.” His eyes flick to Seokmin whose mouth drops open.

“What? Me too?” Seokmin says almost—breathlessly?

Soonyoung's eyes shine. “Really? You love both of us?”

They both look so happy and hopeful and suddenly Jihoon is so, so confused. “What?”

“I mean, I thought you’ve been flirting back lately but I wasn’t sure,” Seokmin says with a grin.

What? “Flirting? I don’t—what?” Jihoon stutters out, and then, “You’ve been flirting with me?”

Seokmin’s smile fades and his eyebrows draw up. “You didn’t notice?” He purses his lips. “I knew I was just getting hopeful.”

“Are you forgetting the part where he loves you?” Soonyoung asks with a nudge and a huge smile.

Seokmin lights up again and Jihoon has had enough. “What is going on?”

Soonyoung’s eyes widen in realization. “Oh! We love you too!”

Jihoon stares back at them, barely even registering the words. “Don’t mess with me like that.”

Seokmin frown. “No, Jihoon—“

“ _Don’t._ ” Jihoon feels tears well up again, but this time they're hot with embarrassed anger. He can’t believe they’d pull something like this.

“We aren’t—“ Soonyoung tries.

“ _Please_ —“

But Jihoon is cut off by the feeling of lips pressing insistently against his and hands cupping his face. He freezes, warmth bursting in his chest and eyes wide as he stares cross-eyed at Seokmin’s face in front of his, still staring when the other pulls back.

Seokmin’s hands smooth over Jihoon’s cheeks. “We want to be with you. Together. All three of us.”

“How?” Jihoon manages to get out.

“We’ll figure it out,” Soonyoung says with a soft smile. “I’m just glad you like us back. We’ve been trying to woo you for a while.”

Jihoon splutters, “What?”

Seokmin sighs, “Man, we’re really bad at this.”

“Yeah, but it still worked out,” Soonyoung says happily before directing his attention to Jihoon. “So, do you want to do this?”

They look at him hopefully and, fuck it, none of this makes sense but he isn’t about to give this up.

So with a choked up laugh Jihoon leans foreword and pulls Soonyoung to meet him for a long awaited kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> well. i got writer's block on a different fic and then this just sorta happened. i love this ot3 so much and i really want fic of them so? hope you liked it?


End file.
